Author, Carol Pages, Pages Family Law.

The end of a long-term relationship or marriage is one of the most stressful things that can happen in your life. Arrangements for children, uncertainty with finance, maybe moving house – and this is in amicable cases. What do you do if it isn’t amicable, or it is dragging on, or both?

Some of the strategies to put in place:

Choose your lawyer carefully

Choosing a family lawyer is like choosing any other care professional such as your doctor – they will need to know personal information about you and will be advising you in relation to the most personal aspects of your life.  Its important that you choose someone who you trust, and you feel like you can ask questions of.  Good family lawyers understand that although they work with these matters every day, you don’t, and there’s no such thing as a silly question, and you don’t want to be waiting for an answer.

Don’t let your family law matter take over your life

Easier said than done! Anyone who has been in a dispute knows that it can occupy every waking minute – and unfortunately depending on the dispute, some of these waking minutes start to have a nasty habit of happening during the night. One way to help overcome this is to allocate a time of day or a couple of times a week to review your lawyer’s emails. Turn off notifications on your email to stop always being on alert. This can help with a feeling of taking some control back. In most cases the issues are not urgent, and can wait until your allocated time.

Look after your wellbeing

It sounds very ho-hum but the basics are often the first thing to slip when a stressful situation comes along.  A proper diet, fresh air, exercise, time with friends, sleep and time to relax can help keep your batteries charged.  These things are even more important when you are the sole parent of small children.  Remember the airplane advice – fit your oxygen mask before assisting others, this is true here as well.

Maybe don’t read it….

Sometimes depending on your case, it can be appropriate to have your lawyer filter your correspondence to shield you from the worst of it.  This can be especially beneficial where there is a history of family violence, the other side is self-represented, or the correspondence is deliberately antagonistic or inflammatory or all of the above.  This way, you are aware of only the relevant points raised by the other side, after your lawyer has reviewed these and prepared a response for you to consider. 

Keep a notes page of your thoughts

Most of us carry smart phones around these days. A useful strategy is to dedicate a notes page to your matter and note questions for your lawyer, along with anything that you would like to raise.  This helps you make the most of any of your meetings or telephone calls with your lawyer, and you’re not left with that awful feeling when you put the phone down of ‘I meant to ask….’ No smartphone? No problem. A notebook or a journal works just as well.

Recognise that you will have different phases in your matter – especially in long matters

This is common and important to recognise to avoid one of the major pitfalls in family law – spending too much time (and legal fees) early on.  At the beginning, it can be tempting to engage in each interim minor issue, and in highly contested matters, take every point. This often results in a lot of time with your lawyer, a lot of letters flying around and a lot of legal fees.  If the matter goes on, it is common to become tired and fed up with it and want it done. A good lawyer will tell you to pace yourself and focus on the big picture, not every step of the way.

Consider a support person

It can be comforting to have a trusted friend or relative come with you to your meetings with your lawyer, any Court dates or lawyer assisted mediations and be your sounding board. 

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The content of this article is provided for information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.  We recommend that you seek legal advice relevant to your own circumstances and we would be happy to assist you.

Carol Pages of Pages Family Law is an Accredited Specialist in Family Law. If you would like advice about your own separation, please contact Pages Family Law at info@pagesfamilylaw.com.au or on 03 9121 8077.