Author: Carol Pages, Pages Family Law.
As someone who has worked in family law for almost 14 years – and as an accredited specialist in family law for 5 – I’ve helped hundreds of clients get to the other side of their separations. We lawyers see grief, sadness, and in the worst cases, the hostility and trauma of what can happen when a relationship breaks down.
Recently, I’ve been pondering some questions about something we don’t always see as much, but know is there: love.
Is it possible to be a divorce lawyer and still talk about love? And is it possible to be a divorce lawyer and even love love when most of the rooms you sit in are with people who have it as the last thing on their minds?
I’ve given advice about what it means to have a just and equitable property division, the entitlements and obligations of each party, and the best options for resolution.
But separation is so much more than the legals. It goes beyond who gets what and who has the kids when. Even though every case is different, navigating love after divorce and building hope around what’s next is a universal experience.
How do I know? Because I’ve been there too.
Like many clients, I didn’t see the end of my marriage coming. I worked full time in family law (the irony is not lost on me…), I had four kids, and I was the one who ended my marriage.
After making this choice, reality quickly set in. Having to sell the house, sort out our finances, manage children, coparenting and everything else – it was a lot.
I know what you’re thinking – but, isn’t that your job?
In the legal sense yes. But the transition that comes with separation and the navigation of love after divorce? That was a very personal part of my journey, and something I don’t get to talk about very much.
For many of us in this area of law, it can feel ‘off-brand’ or insensitive to talk about love.
After all, aren’t we there to just give advice and send clients on their way? Surely they don’t need conversations about love at that time, right?
I don’t think this is the case. In fact, I believe it’s important to share stories about our own experiences however they might look. Not only can they be a valuable lesson, but a reminder that you aren’t alone in this sometimes very strange and confusing time.
So here I am, ready to share my own experiences of separation, divorce and love as a family lawyer who went through it herself. This will be a three-part series and to kick off part one, here is a preview at how I came to a turning point in my journey.
Part 1:
Not long after my own separation, I saw a wedding party getting their photos taken in front of the Old Treasury Building in Melbourne.
I can laugh about it now, but my first thought when I saw them was: ‘Run while you can!’
It was a gut reaction and one that showed how critical I was becoming thanks to my own perceptions of my separation.
I quickly realised that I didn’t want to continue my journey with bitterness or animosity. My job gave me a front row seat to what bitterness could look like from both sides of a separation. Even when those reasons for the bitterness could often be justified, it didn’t mean that a person needs to be resigned to a tense and miserable situation.
In having my own realisation, I thankfully began creating a mindset with the goal to ‘break the mould’ and work towards amicability in my separation as much as possible. Was it easy? No, but I’m very grateful to have done it.
What came next changed how I managed to navigate my transition, which included re-entry into the dating scene as a single mum of four in my forties….
I’ll leave it at that for now, but keep your eyes peeled for part two, where I share more of my story about being newly divorced, navigating love, dating in my forties, and juggling all the other things life threw at me.
If you are in the midst of separation, and need reliable, practical support that helps set you up for a good life post-separation, Pages Family Law is here. Get to know our firm by visiting our website here.
