Author, Carol Pages, Pages Family Law.
The lead up to Christmas often feels chaotic. Gifts to buy, catch ups with friends, trying to see extended family, work Christmas parties and break ups, and when you have kinder or primary school aged kids – the rounds of concerts and parties to celebrate the end of the school year.
What if you’re separated? The load can be even bigger. Whether this is your first Christmas as a separated parent, or you are looking for some ways to make the preparation for this hectic time of year a bit smoother, read on for some tips to help you navigate this sometimes tricky time of year.
Tip 1 – Start early
The earlier the better. If there was one magic word I could give to separated parents after many years of navigating disputes on behalf of clients in the lead up to Christmas, it is – November! Start now. Earlier is better. Sometimes both parents have annual leave and workplace closures to consider, extended family may be interstate or overseas and so there is lots to figure out. This tip pairs well with the next one….
Tip 2 – Think two yearly
Plan or approach a negotiation with a two year plan. It doesn’t need to be set in stone but can result in some certainty for both parents, and the kids. What does two yearly mean? Some examples can include which parent the kids spend Christmas Day with. If the parents live close to one another it can be spending Christmas Eve with one parent, Christmas night with the other. A great way to approach this is to consider odd and even years – even years (eg 2024) wake up with one parent and lunch with the other, odd years (eg 2025) the reverse.
Tip 3 – Consider changeover times carefully
Avoid changeovers on Christmas Day of 2.00pm or 3.00pm if you can. Often Christmas lunch is later than normal lunch, which means an early afternoon changeover means you and the kids miss out on lunch – possibly at both houses. Suggested changeover times of 11.00am after presents (if you have little kids this will feel like lunchtime if you’ve been up since 5.00am!) or 5.00pm or 6.00pm after lunch.
Tip 4 – Consider yours and your ex partner’s family traditions
Sometimes thinking big picture can help minimise disputes about where the children will spend Christmas Day and be able to see their extended family including both sets of grandparents. In some families we have assisted over the years, the main celebration is Christmas Eve, in some families to accommodate the in laws and avoid people spending all day in the car driving between locations and eating two Christmas lunches, the main celebration is Boxing Day. Thinking about the usual routines can sometimes help come up with ideas that will work for both families and be more likely to result in an agreement between you and your ex-partner.
Tip 5 – Make your own traditions
In some families Christmas is very quiet, and in some families or in some years, Christmas can be a time where you don’t need to be reminded that the rest of the world is happy when you’re not. This is common for separated parents and you are not alone. Depending on how the arrangements turn out, or if you have a parenting plan or parenting orders that for this Christmas are not your ideal situation, think about some new traditions. Who says it must be the same as it’s always been before? Separation means that there are opportunities for new beginnings. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes there is no family, just good friends who are the family you choose to spend time with. What new traditions can you start for your family? Is it having a Christmas Eve tradition where the kids get new summer PJs and some treats they share with Santa and Rudolph? Or a PJ day streaming Christmas movies on Boxing Day (and who doesn’t need a rest by Boxing Day anyway!) One we’ve personally tried and tested – Santa works flexible hours! Due to co-parenting arrangements and overseas relatives, we’ve had Santa visit at all different days – even as early as 21 December! Feedback from clients is that kids don’t care about the date, they are excited to see you, play with their new things and see their extended family.
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On behalf of our team, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a safe and healthy new year.
Carol Pages who’s the Principal of Pages Family Law is the mother of four children and will this year, spend the 10th Christmas co-parenting Christmas arrangements for her children.
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The content of this article is provided for information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. We recommend that you seek legal advice relevant to your own circumstances and we would be happy to assist you.
Carol Pages is the Principal of Pages Family Law and an Accredited Specialist in Family Law and a Nationally Accredited Mediator. If you would like advice about your own separation, please contact Pages Family Law at info@pagesfamilylaw.com.au or on 03 9121 8077.
